Brian and I have had a lot of friends getting divorced lately. We are celebrating our fourth wedding anniversary this August and already know almost two handfuls of people "breaking up." Which disturbs me. It may be part of the issue. I can not fathom referring to divorcing my husband and father of my children as breaking up. To me it is the taboo, "divorce" that people do not want to talk about. People joke about Disney and Hollywood disillusioning young people about what marriage is supposed to be. I am starting to think it is true. So many people, including myself did not think my marriage would be hard. I had fairytale dreams for us as we drove away from our reception with fireworks exploding. However, we have forgotten the real enemy.
Satan is so sneaky that way. He has helped us to believe that there is someone or something better than the one laying beside us at night. He has told us that the two we made a covenant with at the alter (God and your spouse) were a mistake. We wake up thinking that we must have misunderstood what God's plan for our life was. Maybe we just need to find a loophole that justifies leaving the one we thought we loved. The one that was forever, good times and bad, sickness and health, and until death do us part (or one of us kills the other first). We will be okay as single parents, and our kids have a heavenly Father so they will not need a stable father and mother there beside them. The internal monologue is painful and deceiving.
Now, please understand, I am not saying this in judgement. There are good days and bad days in my marriage. There are days when I think maybe I was not cut out for marriage. I just want to put out there for people that maybe we have bought into the fairytale. I am so sad when I see these "perfect families" or couples writing "perfect marriage" posts on facebook for their anniversary and getting divorced a few months later. I am sad that the church in not talking about the attack on marriage and family that is taking place in our culture. I want young people to have realistic expectations and not to feel that something is wrong with them when a few months after the alter things begin to get hard. When they realize their spouse is sinful (as are they), and assume that something is wrong and they would never have gotten married if they had known about....
Brian and I are reaching a turning point in our marriage. We have been married four years, had two wonderful children, lived in two apartments/with my in-laws/our first home, been through grad school, moving twice, and two new jobs. It has been a busy time, but a hard time. We found ourselves becoming more like glorified roommates/best friends than in a loving marriage. Brian and I love hard and fight hard. What you see is what you get with us. I am sure a few of you have seen us snap at each other from time to time. We do not claim to be perfect. We do want to be real, though.
We have started reading "Real Marriage," by Mark Driscoll. We are only in the first few chapters. We love it! It is hard to read, but it has been so good for our conversation. We have talked more deeply and tried to be more sacrificial for one another than we have in a long time. Brian actually ran with me almost every day that we have been at the beach so far. If you know him at all, that is huge. I have been working on understanding his needs more deeply and trying to find new ways to love him. Above all, dear friends, marriage is a journey. It is hard and wonderful almost simultaneously. Your spouse can be your best friend or your worst enemy, but keep trying. Keep persevering. Marriage is truly a reflection of our relationship with God. The beautiful thing is that he is patient with us. He loves us tenderly and sacrifices for us. He waits patiently for us when we reject him and will NEVER leave us. I am so thankful that when I fail, I can always look to the Creator of the perfect relationship. He is our ultimate example. To the cross I cling.
