As I start to write this, I am not exactly sure where it will end up. I was recently inspired while at Dollywood with my potty training toddler. Brian and I were taking turns riding rollercoasters. So, I was feeding Caroline at the base of the Wild Eagle and Maddox was eating string cheese. He stood up, pulled down his underwear and said, "Mommy, I have to go potty." My first instinct was to look for anywhere he could semi-appropriately deposit urine that did not involve underwear. So, I stopped feeding Caroline, abandoned our bags, and grabbed his little hand to waddle over to a rainwater drain. No one else was around, so I thought. Suddenly, I hear,
"Ma'am, Ma'am. His pants are down."
I looked back and said, "I know. He is potty training and he has to pee."
"Ma'am, but his pants are down."
At this point I have a face of somewhat disgust. As I hold my 25 lb. 8 month old on one hip and I am struggling to help and reassure my child that we will reach a place to potty soon, if he can just hold it, I try to keep my composure. I thought I looked like a mom that was loosing it but clearly, she must not see my desperation. So, I turn to face her.
"The closest bathroom is back by River Battle."
Now, if you have ever been to Dollywood, you know this is about a quarter mile and two staircases away from where I am. So, I decided we are going to make it as far as we can. I pull up his underwear and we hustle up and down two flights or stairs with his precious voice saying, "Mommy I have to go potty." The nearest available area was a pile of rocks by a fence. Yes, I let my child urinate in public, in a place that no one would accidently step. To appease/confuse the worker. We decided to stay at the bottom of the steps for five minutes. When we went back up to the ride. She and I made eye contact in a way that let her know I tried, but she knew we could not have made it to the bathroom and back in that time period. Clearly, this woman had never potty trained a two year old before. Clearly, I will not take Caroline anywhere when she is potty training. Boys can be so much more discrete.
It caused me to think about so many things that I have judged other parents for. Until you have been there, in that exact same circumstance, you can not know how you will respond. I used to judge moms that did not stay at home - at least part time. I thought that daycare was evil. I am now realizing that for some families, they financial instability and stress would be worse stress than mom staying in daycare. We are now putting the children in a day school two days a week. We have decided the removing the financial burden and paying off debt ASAP, while the kids are young, will benefit them more in the long term. This does not exclusively apply to child rearing. Although mommies are some of the toughest critics in the world.
Recent changes in the social and political arena have caused great divides among both secular and religious individuals, not limited to but including politics. While I condone open conversation. I feel like the terms "don't judge" or "tolerance" or "acceptance" has become a hot button words to condem others. Open dialogue is so much more beneficial that just gossip and judgement. What if we all decided to talk more about our opinions instead of being worried that not being politically correct would ruin the lives of ourselves, families, and businesses? What if the church actually started holding its members accountable and learned to love the secular world instead of condeming? What if we stopped pointing the finger out of our doors and starting keeping our church spiritually accountable? What if we choose to love our community for who they are and realized that they are not submitting to the Holy Spirit, so they are not under the same guidelines or authority that the church is? Would the church be perceived differently? Would the world be better? Would there be more love and grace given? I am not sure, but I would love to see what this might look like.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Where was God when....
Trauma. I have been thinking for awhile now how to share this story. Just the thought of sitting down to write was too much. I have been talking with a counselor about "wicking out" the infection that trauma can cause. Part of that, for me was going to be writing this story. I will give a warning that this will be hard to read. However, it is much more painful to write and experience. I will spare the most gruesome of details.
I do not know the date, I do not want to remember. So, I do not. It was in June 2012. It was a Saturday morning, and Brian and I decided to go out for lunch. We were getting the kids packed and ready to go. We were fighting, which often happens when we have unmet expectations. Brian wanted to get up and out the door and I wanted to take my time. So, we were bickering as we pulled out of the driveway. We turned on to 92 and headed toward Dandridge. Our bickering had turned to quality discussion about needs and desires. We were finally making headway as we pulled up over the hill. Suddenly, Brian said, "Did that just happen?". I looked up and saw a truck on its side and, then, noticed the motorcycle on its side. I shouted, "Stop. I have got to help," Brian slammed on the brakes and pulled to the side of the road. I looked both ways and ran across the highway. It was then, that I took in the scene. A motorcycle had hit a truck and the couple was laying on the ground, covered in blood.
The details are still blurry and come in intense snap shots. The wife was screaming. The husband lay lifeless making intermittent noises that were of death more than life. He was in no pain, he did not move, I realized he was gone. The couple was embracing and a gentleman was hovered over them dabbing off the blood with paper towels while he tried to keep his shaking to a minimum. I told him I was an NP, and he asked me not to leave. I told everyone to stop touching them and get back. EMS was on the way. My kids were in the car watching a movie, and Brian was trying to keep traffic at bay. People were starring in terror. I did not have any equipment. All I could do was talk to this precious woman and try to comfort her, to assess her status, and try to figure out what happened. The fire police arrived, but still no one with anything we needed to stabilize or support them. The wife was blinded by swelling of both eyes resulting from the skull fracture. She had lost all short term memory but was otherwise aware of everything prior to and after the accident. She was inches from her husband and had no idea. It seemed like hours that we waited for someone to arrive with some kind of help. It was about 3 to 5 minutes according to brian. Not once did I think of checking on the person in the other truck. A mistake that I still regret. It was all so much to take in. The pool of blood was continuing to grow around me. My heart was pounding and EMS arrived.
Sadly, all we were able to do was to place both patients in immobile c spine on backboardsand bandage wounds until Life flight arrived. Thankfully, two helicopters landed on the roadway within 15 minutes. We were able to bandage wounds and I had gathered enough patient history to give the Life Flight crew when they arrived. The husband was put into an ambulance and transported to the helicopter that never took off. I, then, noticed the elderly woman from the truck being transported to a second ambulance and taken to the hospital. She was not bleeding or severely injured from what I could see. We later found out that she turned across the road while the couple on the motorcycle was in her blind spot. She was fine.
People came to the scene frequently in the hour it took for all of these events to unfold. Random by standers standing around crying, people trying to touch the individuals or take pictures of their vulnerable state, a priest clutching his bible and shaking - not knowing what to say. It was a horrific scene. I later found out that the couples, approximately 18 year old, son was driving by and realized it was his parents. He was there the whole time. The images will be hard enough for me to get out of my head, much less this young man. As well, I found out that the husband had seen the accident and laid the bike down. Thus, he saved his wife's life and sacrificed his own. He was laying in the road embracing her. He loved her. I had secretly hoped that he was not a nice person, so it would not be so painful to have seen such loss. On the contrary, he was an amazing individual who was deeply loved. He left behind his wife and two teenage sons. He was a pastor who had a thriving group of young men under his leadership. He will be deeply missed.
His wife is expected to recover physically. She attended the funeral in her hospital bed and was immediately returned to the floor after the ceremony. That brings me to the other reason that I am sharing this with you all. The family has been left with not only a painful void in the hearts and lives, but a lot of medical bills. They have Life Flight and an extended hospital stay with multiple surgeries to pay for. I would like to request that people donate to help them. I am hoping that some good will come from my being there. This is one way I can think to give back. If you know me, you can give me the check or money to give to the them. Otherwise, please give directly to the church. Give it labeled for the Pruitt Family medical bills.
Eastmore Church of God
7180 Asheville Highway
Knoxville, TN 37924
I did not have to ask where God was in this. He was there. I saw the face of Satan and the evil he created. he created death, pain, suffering, and darkness. What he intended for evil, God intended for good. He was there allowing a husband to make one last sacrifice for his wife, keeping the wife alive so she could be a mother to her children, allow the husband to not suffer, keeping the woman in the truck safe, and many other things we may never be aware of. He was with me during the accident, when I washed the blood off of myself after, through the counseling, a new found desire to love my husband well and let petty things go, etc. God was there redeeming and conquering the evil of Satan. I praise him for that.
I do not know the date, I do not want to remember. So, I do not. It was in June 2012. It was a Saturday morning, and Brian and I decided to go out for lunch. We were getting the kids packed and ready to go. We were fighting, which often happens when we have unmet expectations. Brian wanted to get up and out the door and I wanted to take my time. So, we were bickering as we pulled out of the driveway. We turned on to 92 and headed toward Dandridge. Our bickering had turned to quality discussion about needs and desires. We were finally making headway as we pulled up over the hill. Suddenly, Brian said, "Did that just happen?". I looked up and saw a truck on its side and, then, noticed the motorcycle on its side. I shouted, "Stop. I have got to help," Brian slammed on the brakes and pulled to the side of the road. I looked both ways and ran across the highway. It was then, that I took in the scene. A motorcycle had hit a truck and the couple was laying on the ground, covered in blood.
The details are still blurry and come in intense snap shots. The wife was screaming. The husband lay lifeless making intermittent noises that were of death more than life. He was in no pain, he did not move, I realized he was gone. The couple was embracing and a gentleman was hovered over them dabbing off the blood with paper towels while he tried to keep his shaking to a minimum. I told him I was an NP, and he asked me not to leave. I told everyone to stop touching them and get back. EMS was on the way. My kids were in the car watching a movie, and Brian was trying to keep traffic at bay. People were starring in terror. I did not have any equipment. All I could do was talk to this precious woman and try to comfort her, to assess her status, and try to figure out what happened. The fire police arrived, but still no one with anything we needed to stabilize or support them. The wife was blinded by swelling of both eyes resulting from the skull fracture. She had lost all short term memory but was otherwise aware of everything prior to and after the accident. She was inches from her husband and had no idea. It seemed like hours that we waited for someone to arrive with some kind of help. It was about 3 to 5 minutes according to brian. Not once did I think of checking on the person in the other truck. A mistake that I still regret. It was all so much to take in. The pool of blood was continuing to grow around me. My heart was pounding and EMS arrived.
Sadly, all we were able to do was to place both patients in immobile c spine on backboardsand bandage wounds until Life flight arrived. Thankfully, two helicopters landed on the roadway within 15 minutes. We were able to bandage wounds and I had gathered enough patient history to give the Life Flight crew when they arrived. The husband was put into an ambulance and transported to the helicopter that never took off. I, then, noticed the elderly woman from the truck being transported to a second ambulance and taken to the hospital. She was not bleeding or severely injured from what I could see. We later found out that she turned across the road while the couple on the motorcycle was in her blind spot. She was fine.
People came to the scene frequently in the hour it took for all of these events to unfold. Random by standers standing around crying, people trying to touch the individuals or take pictures of their vulnerable state, a priest clutching his bible and shaking - not knowing what to say. It was a horrific scene. I later found out that the couples, approximately 18 year old, son was driving by and realized it was his parents. He was there the whole time. The images will be hard enough for me to get out of my head, much less this young man. As well, I found out that the husband had seen the accident and laid the bike down. Thus, he saved his wife's life and sacrificed his own. He was laying in the road embracing her. He loved her. I had secretly hoped that he was not a nice person, so it would not be so painful to have seen such loss. On the contrary, he was an amazing individual who was deeply loved. He left behind his wife and two teenage sons. He was a pastor who had a thriving group of young men under his leadership. He will be deeply missed.
His wife is expected to recover physically. She attended the funeral in her hospital bed and was immediately returned to the floor after the ceremony. That brings me to the other reason that I am sharing this with you all. The family has been left with not only a painful void in the hearts and lives, but a lot of medical bills. They have Life Flight and an extended hospital stay with multiple surgeries to pay for. I would like to request that people donate to help them. I am hoping that some good will come from my being there. This is one way I can think to give back. If you know me, you can give me the check or money to give to the them. Otherwise, please give directly to the church. Give it labeled for the Pruitt Family medical bills.
Eastmore Church of God
7180 Asheville Highway
Knoxville, TN 37924
I did not have to ask where God was in this. He was there. I saw the face of Satan and the evil he created. he created death, pain, suffering, and darkness. What he intended for evil, God intended for good. He was there allowing a husband to make one last sacrifice for his wife, keeping the wife alive so she could be a mother to her children, allow the husband to not suffer, keeping the woman in the truck safe, and many other things we may never be aware of. He was with me during the accident, when I washed the blood off of myself after, through the counseling, a new found desire to love my husband well and let petty things go, etc. God was there redeeming and conquering the evil of Satan. I praise him for that.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Are you more faithful than a lobster?
I keep reflecting on that famous line Phoebe said on Friends about Ross and Rachel, "...but he's her lobster." She was operating under the premise that lobsters mate for life. Sadly, I found out they do not. Penguins appear to. So, maybe penguins have figured out something that we haven't. This is all leading to my point, I promise.
Brian and I have had a lot of friends getting divorced lately. We are celebrating our fourth wedding anniversary this August and already know almost two handfuls of people "breaking up." Which disturbs me. It may be part of the issue. I can not fathom referring to divorcing my husband and father of my children as breaking up. To me it is the taboo, "divorce" that people do not want to talk about. People joke about Disney and Hollywood disillusioning young people about what marriage is supposed to be. I am starting to think it is true. So many people, including myself did not think my marriage would be hard. I had fairytale dreams for us as we drove away from our reception with fireworks exploding. However, we have forgotten the real enemy.
Satan is so sneaky that way. He has helped us to believe that there is someone or something better than the one laying beside us at night. He has told us that the two we made a covenant with at the alter (God and your spouse) were a mistake. We wake up thinking that we must have misunderstood what God's plan for our life was. Maybe we just need to find a loophole that justifies leaving the one we thought we loved. The one that was forever, good times and bad, sickness and health, and until death do us part (or one of us kills the other first). We will be okay as single parents, and our kids have a heavenly Father so they will not need a stable father and mother there beside them. The internal monologue is painful and deceiving.
Now, please understand, I am not saying this in judgement. There are good days and bad days in my marriage. There are days when I think maybe I was not cut out for marriage. I just want to put out there for people that maybe we have bought into the fairytale. I am so sad when I see these "perfect families" or couples writing "perfect marriage" posts on facebook for their anniversary and getting divorced a few months later. I am sad that the church in not talking about the attack on marriage and family that is taking place in our culture. I want young people to have realistic expectations and not to feel that something is wrong with them when a few months after the alter things begin to get hard. When they realize their spouse is sinful (as are they), and assume that something is wrong and they would never have gotten married if they had known about....
Brian and I are reaching a turning point in our marriage. We have been married four years, had two wonderful children, lived in two apartments/with my in-laws/our first home, been through grad school, moving twice, and two new jobs. It has been a busy time, but a hard time. We found ourselves becoming more like glorified roommates/best friends than in a loving marriage. Brian and I love hard and fight hard. What you see is what you get with us. I am sure a few of you have seen us snap at each other from time to time. We do not claim to be perfect. We do want to be real, though.
We have started reading "Real Marriage," by Mark Driscoll. We are only in the first few chapters. We love it! It is hard to read, but it has been so good for our conversation. We have talked more deeply and tried to be more sacrificial for one another than we have in a long time. Brian actually ran with me almost every day that we have been at the beach so far. If you know him at all, that is huge. I have been working on understanding his needs more deeply and trying to find new ways to love him. Above all, dear friends, marriage is a journey. It is hard and wonderful almost simultaneously. Your spouse can be your best friend or your worst enemy, but keep trying. Keep persevering. Marriage is truly a reflection of our relationship with God. The beautiful thing is that he is patient with us. He loves us tenderly and sacrifices for us. He waits patiently for us when we reject him and will NEVER leave us. I am so thankful that when I fail, I can always look to the Creator of the perfect relationship. He is our ultimate example. To the cross I cling.
Brian and I have had a lot of friends getting divorced lately. We are celebrating our fourth wedding anniversary this August and already know almost two handfuls of people "breaking up." Which disturbs me. It may be part of the issue. I can not fathom referring to divorcing my husband and father of my children as breaking up. To me it is the taboo, "divorce" that people do not want to talk about. People joke about Disney and Hollywood disillusioning young people about what marriage is supposed to be. I am starting to think it is true. So many people, including myself did not think my marriage would be hard. I had fairytale dreams for us as we drove away from our reception with fireworks exploding. However, we have forgotten the real enemy.
Satan is so sneaky that way. He has helped us to believe that there is someone or something better than the one laying beside us at night. He has told us that the two we made a covenant with at the alter (God and your spouse) were a mistake. We wake up thinking that we must have misunderstood what God's plan for our life was. Maybe we just need to find a loophole that justifies leaving the one we thought we loved. The one that was forever, good times and bad, sickness and health, and until death do us part (or one of us kills the other first). We will be okay as single parents, and our kids have a heavenly Father so they will not need a stable father and mother there beside them. The internal monologue is painful and deceiving.
Now, please understand, I am not saying this in judgement. There are good days and bad days in my marriage. There are days when I think maybe I was not cut out for marriage. I just want to put out there for people that maybe we have bought into the fairytale. I am so sad when I see these "perfect families" or couples writing "perfect marriage" posts on facebook for their anniversary and getting divorced a few months later. I am sad that the church in not talking about the attack on marriage and family that is taking place in our culture. I want young people to have realistic expectations and not to feel that something is wrong with them when a few months after the alter things begin to get hard. When they realize their spouse is sinful (as are they), and assume that something is wrong and they would never have gotten married if they had known about....
Brian and I are reaching a turning point in our marriage. We have been married four years, had two wonderful children, lived in two apartments/with my in-laws/our first home, been through grad school, moving twice, and two new jobs. It has been a busy time, but a hard time. We found ourselves becoming more like glorified roommates/best friends than in a loving marriage. Brian and I love hard and fight hard. What you see is what you get with us. I am sure a few of you have seen us snap at each other from time to time. We do not claim to be perfect. We do want to be real, though.
We have started reading "Real Marriage," by Mark Driscoll. We are only in the first few chapters. We love it! It is hard to read, but it has been so good for our conversation. We have talked more deeply and tried to be more sacrificial for one another than we have in a long time. Brian actually ran with me almost every day that we have been at the beach so far. If you know him at all, that is huge. I have been working on understanding his needs more deeply and trying to find new ways to love him. Above all, dear friends, marriage is a journey. It is hard and wonderful almost simultaneously. Your spouse can be your best friend or your worst enemy, but keep trying. Keep persevering. Marriage is truly a reflection of our relationship with God. The beautiful thing is that he is patient with us. He loves us tenderly and sacrifices for us. He waits patiently for us when we reject him and will NEVER leave us. I am so thankful that when I fail, I can always look to the Creator of the perfect relationship. He is our ultimate example. To the cross I cling.
Friday, June 22, 2012
So what about "Dear Mr. Ferber"?
My intentions were good, but I have not updated because my results were not as stellar as I hoped. I was sure that sleeping through the night and potty training just required simple focus and determination. How unsubmissive could children really be? Oh, they can break your spirit without even trying.
So, day one ended with Caroline not taking naps and being incredibly tired, Maddox urinating on the carpet three times, breaking our computer screen with a scrub brush, no naps, consuming a ton of processed sugar (aka. mini M&Ms), not getting dinner cooked, no workout for me, and throwing in the towel (pardon the run on sentence). That is right, I was broken by a 6 month old and 2 and a half year old. So, ten pairs of wet underwear and one swaddled baby later we fell asleep to try again another day.
My anti-potty training has since improved. He does, now, ask to sit on the potty a few times a day. We have more dry diapers than before. However, the child is content to be in diapers half the time. Caroline is a laid back kiddo with a desire to be just like her older brother. It has caused her to develop her gross motor skills at a fast pace. So, I suspect that she will continue to follow suit and indeed potty train when he does. I can truly see him being three and a half and her being 18 months and conquering it in one swoop. Only God knows the timing. However, I can not loose my sanity over it. My Type A personality is learning to take a back seat with two little ones. As for Ferber...
He came and went and came back again. This time, he is here to stay. We began swaddling again and then realized that Caroline was waking up with no way to self-soothe. So, we decided to really bite the bullet and take her arms out of her "convertible Woombie" (we love them) and endure more frequent wakings with more opportunity to learn self-soothing. We decided to implement this five nights ago. Just in time for my mother to arrive from Pennsylvania. She endured it well. Caroline, however, has a new edition. A precious pink bunny blanket that she sleeps with. I love finding cute transitional objects. Of course, Maddox got one too. He is a gray bunny named Rascal.
So, a month or so later, we have two new bunnies, a better night time sleeper, and a toddler who still prefers a diaper to "unnawear." However, sanity is returning, and for that, I am grateful.
P.S. We miss you already Gigi!!!
So, day one ended with Caroline not taking naps and being incredibly tired, Maddox urinating on the carpet three times, breaking our computer screen with a scrub brush, no naps, consuming a ton of processed sugar (aka. mini M&Ms), not getting dinner cooked, no workout for me, and throwing in the towel (pardon the run on sentence). That is right, I was broken by a 6 month old and 2 and a half year old. So, ten pairs of wet underwear and one swaddled baby later we fell asleep to try again another day.
My anti-potty training has since improved. He does, now, ask to sit on the potty a few times a day. We have more dry diapers than before. However, the child is content to be in diapers half the time. Caroline is a laid back kiddo with a desire to be just like her older brother. It has caused her to develop her gross motor skills at a fast pace. So, I suspect that she will continue to follow suit and indeed potty train when he does. I can truly see him being three and a half and her being 18 months and conquering it in one swoop. Only God knows the timing. However, I can not loose my sanity over it. My Type A personality is learning to take a back seat with two little ones. As for Ferber...
He came and went and came back again. This time, he is here to stay. We began swaddling again and then realized that Caroline was waking up with no way to self-soothe. So, we decided to really bite the bullet and take her arms out of her "convertible Woombie" (we love them) and endure more frequent wakings with more opportunity to learn self-soothing. We decided to implement this five nights ago. Just in time for my mother to arrive from Pennsylvania. She endured it well. Caroline, however, has a new edition. A precious pink bunny blanket that she sleeps with. I love finding cute transitional objects. Of course, Maddox got one too. He is a gray bunny named Rascal.
So, a month or so later, we have two new bunnies, a better night time sleeper, and a toddler who still prefers a diaper to "unnawear." However, sanity is returning, and for that, I am grateful.
P.S. We miss you already Gigi!!!
Friday, June 8, 2012
But I thought you were a Pediatric Nurse Practitioner....
That is what my inner monologue sounds like. I have most of the answers my patients are seeking, but when it comes to my own kids...they are rarely text book. With my own children, my brain turns to mush, and I become an irrational panicky mom like the rest of them.
Current problem, Caroline's weight and transition to solids. Our little one is gaining weight like a mini-sumo wrestler. She is a 22 lb. six and a half month old. Literally, she gained four pounds in the last two months! I thought Maddox was a big baby. So, I decided that I would check his baby book. He was 18 lbs. 9 ounces at 6 months. Also, he was a pound heavier than Caroline at birth. That means she has literally beat him by 4 pounds over a 6 month period. Our provider, who I fully trust, thinks that I should bottle my creme de la creme milk and send it to children in Africa suffering from famine. It was a great suggestion, but I am just one momma. Additionally, I do not think customs would approve.
So, the consensus was to try and reduce her overall intake or dilute her milk so it was no longer heavy cream in nature. We thought that giving her a sippy cup of water a day or giving her an ounce or two of water in each bottle would help. FAIL! She was so mad at me after the first time I tried to give her water, she refused a bottle for a full 24 hours. Oh the joy of girl drama! Truly a woman scorned. She will take a slightly diluted regular bottle, however. The second part of the plan was to increase her intake of solids.
Again, FAIL! This poor princess has had trouble with her belly since day one. We make her baby food so that we know everything that is in it. As well, it saves money. However, she has only been able to tolerate some applesauce and oatmeal. Everything else has made her cry and have poop that smells like straight vinegar. So, looks like this little one is going to be a chunky monkey for awhile longer.
I wish I had all the answers, but I do not. I am daily discovering more ways that the Lord uses children to not only humble Brian and I but to teach us. We are so dependent on God. No matter how much we know or how successful we are, it only takes a few tears from my daughter and some diarrhea to remember that I am not actually in control at all. It is only by His grace....you fill in the blank.
Current problem, Caroline's weight and transition to solids. Our little one is gaining weight like a mini-sumo wrestler. She is a 22 lb. six and a half month old. Literally, she gained four pounds in the last two months! I thought Maddox was a big baby. So, I decided that I would check his baby book. He was 18 lbs. 9 ounces at 6 months. Also, he was a pound heavier than Caroline at birth. That means she has literally beat him by 4 pounds over a 6 month period. Our provider, who I fully trust, thinks that I should bottle my creme de la creme milk and send it to children in Africa suffering from famine. It was a great suggestion, but I am just one momma. Additionally, I do not think customs would approve.
So, the consensus was to try and reduce her overall intake or dilute her milk so it was no longer heavy cream in nature. We thought that giving her a sippy cup of water a day or giving her an ounce or two of water in each bottle would help. FAIL! She was so mad at me after the first time I tried to give her water, she refused a bottle for a full 24 hours. Oh the joy of girl drama! Truly a woman scorned. She will take a slightly diluted regular bottle, however. The second part of the plan was to increase her intake of solids.
Again, FAIL! This poor princess has had trouble with her belly since day one. We make her baby food so that we know everything that is in it. As well, it saves money. However, she has only been able to tolerate some applesauce and oatmeal. Everything else has made her cry and have poop that smells like straight vinegar. So, looks like this little one is going to be a chunky monkey for awhile longer.
Could she be any more precious, really?
I wish I had all the answers, but I do not. I am daily discovering more ways that the Lord uses children to not only humble Brian and I but to teach us. We are so dependent on God. No matter how much we know or how successful we are, it only takes a few tears from my daughter and some diarrhea to remember that I am not actually in control at all. It is only by His grace....you fill in the blank.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
I caught a glimpse of heaven!
I am sorry that it has been so long since I have written. Life has been crazy. However, this post was worth waiting for. I am going to share my experience. Whether or not you believe what is to come or not is of no consequence. I am just sharing this story as experienced by myself and my family. I hope it touches you as much as it did us.
My husband's grandfather, Bob, has been very ill. He has prostate cancer, bone cancer, COPD, melanoma, CHF, etc. Two weeks ago, he fell while trying to get up from his chair. He bumped his shin into a bookcase and cut it. As a result, he pulled back and hit the back of his head on a bookshelf. It was later discovered that he had broken two of his vertebrae in his cervical spine. It was fortunate that it broke in such a way as to not have damaged his spinal cord and he had no paralysis. He was taken to the hospital but returned home a few days later and was readmitted when his O2 sat was found to be in the 60s. After being diagnosed with bilateral pneumonia, he was admitted to ICU and later moved to a step down room. He is currently still admitted to the hospital and remains in the same room. However, his journey far exceeded the bounds of that small hospital room. His journey lead him to a place of peace and allowed us to discover a whole new world.
Our family had been called in to say their goodbyes. Since we had not seen each other in awhile, we decided to all meet up for dinner before heading to the hospital. We were stuffed to the brim, as we journeyed to see Bob. When we got to his room, it was clear that his condition had changed. He was laying in the hospital trying to focus on breathing. His oxygen was now on 15 L/min and he looked weak. The pain was intense and he was asking for his pain medication. We talked and held his hands. We prayed. Then, as we were all talking, Bob's face changed. It was not longer dark and weak. It was light, and his gaze was fixed where the wall met the ceiling. He was no longer talking to us. My mother-in-law drew quickly to his side. She has done this more than anyone should have to at such a young age. She has become a professional at taking care of the aging and dying. She has watched people as they near the end - mother, father, aunt, and uncle. But, the same questions she had asked so many times before was going to open a fountain of blessing that was more powerful than she knew.
"Bob, do you see something?"
"Yes," come the words muffled by the non-rebreather mask.
"Is it heaven?," she asks. "Yes," he responds again. A wide grin fixes on his dry, cracked lips.
"What does it look like?," she questions.
He says, "I see Peter and John...Abraham, Issac...Elizabeth...and Mary." He rests for a minute to catch his breath. "I see the fallen soldiers," he says, "and my grandfather."
"Do you see your grandmother?" my mother in law asks.
"No. I never knew her." "I see my brothers and sisters."
"Are you in any pain?" - it has been over 6 hours since his last dose of his pain medication. He had been in pain just moments before.
"No. No pain. It is such misery (on earth)."
He was so tired. Each time he would answer a question. He would close his eyes again for a few moment before speaking out again. He had been so afraid to die. He was afraid of leaving. Now, a peace had fallen.
"I wish you all could come with me, but you will be here so soon. I keep asking God to take you all with me. I do not understand why you can not come with me."
"Do you want us to be there because it is so good?"
"No sorrow. No pain."
Nurses had heard what was going on and began coming the room to hold his hand, pray over him, or just watch. This was the end. It was so beautiful and wonderful to be a part of it. He began to sing. Now, this is a room of Southern Baptist. My mother in law was a choir director and has a leather bound hymnal that she sings from daily. However, not one person in the room could place the songs that we was singing. He would only share a bar or two. As he took longer breaks, we asked if we could sing to him. We sang hymns at the top of our lungs. Bob would join in too and he drifted back and forth. He was so filled with joy. He gathered us around and kept saying, "No more sorrow. Do not cry. You will be here so soon. God will take care of you. I understand that now." Slowly though. He began to come back. The times with his eyes closed were shorter. He asked for a preacher to come pray with him. He could not understand why he had to come back to us. And just as quickly as he went to heaven he returned to us.
We talked about the experience the next day. He remembers everything. He talked about how light it was, the steps to get to heaven, and the streets that looked like gold. He could not talk to anyone he saw. He said, "they were busy dancing and praising God." He never saw Jesus. God was in the distance. He described him as something he could see through a fog. He did not get to participate in anything. He was just watching. It made him so happy. He is grateful to see us all again, but he is ready to go back. He knows that we will be well taken care of. He sees and understands things that we can not fully perceive. He gave me a gift. As hard as it may be sometimes, I do not believe I could ever doubt the existence of God. Bob was there and then he was back. He was in pain and it was gone. He was afraid and then at peace. He went to heaven, and I caught a glimpse.
My husband's grandfather, Bob, has been very ill. He has prostate cancer, bone cancer, COPD, melanoma, CHF, etc. Two weeks ago, he fell while trying to get up from his chair. He bumped his shin into a bookcase and cut it. As a result, he pulled back and hit the back of his head on a bookshelf. It was later discovered that he had broken two of his vertebrae in his cervical spine. It was fortunate that it broke in such a way as to not have damaged his spinal cord and he had no paralysis. He was taken to the hospital but returned home a few days later and was readmitted when his O2 sat was found to be in the 60s. After being diagnosed with bilateral pneumonia, he was admitted to ICU and later moved to a step down room. He is currently still admitted to the hospital and remains in the same room. However, his journey far exceeded the bounds of that small hospital room. His journey lead him to a place of peace and allowed us to discover a whole new world.
Our family had been called in to say their goodbyes. Since we had not seen each other in awhile, we decided to all meet up for dinner before heading to the hospital. We were stuffed to the brim, as we journeyed to see Bob. When we got to his room, it was clear that his condition had changed. He was laying in the hospital trying to focus on breathing. His oxygen was now on 15 L/min and he looked weak. The pain was intense and he was asking for his pain medication. We talked and held his hands. We prayed. Then, as we were all talking, Bob's face changed. It was not longer dark and weak. It was light, and his gaze was fixed where the wall met the ceiling. He was no longer talking to us. My mother-in-law drew quickly to his side. She has done this more than anyone should have to at such a young age. She has become a professional at taking care of the aging and dying. She has watched people as they near the end - mother, father, aunt, and uncle. But, the same questions she had asked so many times before was going to open a fountain of blessing that was more powerful than she knew.
"Bob, do you see something?"
"Yes," come the words muffled by the non-rebreather mask.
"Is it heaven?," she asks. "Yes," he responds again. A wide grin fixes on his dry, cracked lips.
"What does it look like?," she questions.
He says, "I see Peter and John...Abraham, Issac...Elizabeth...and Mary." He rests for a minute to catch his breath. "I see the fallen soldiers," he says, "and my grandfather."
"Do you see your grandmother?" my mother in law asks.
"No. I never knew her." "I see my brothers and sisters."
"Are you in any pain?" - it has been over 6 hours since his last dose of his pain medication. He had been in pain just moments before.
"No. No pain. It is such misery (on earth)."
He was so tired. Each time he would answer a question. He would close his eyes again for a few moment before speaking out again. He had been so afraid to die. He was afraid of leaving. Now, a peace had fallen.
"I wish you all could come with me, but you will be here so soon. I keep asking God to take you all with me. I do not understand why you can not come with me."
"Do you want us to be there because it is so good?"
"No sorrow. No pain."
Nurses had heard what was going on and began coming the room to hold his hand, pray over him, or just watch. This was the end. It was so beautiful and wonderful to be a part of it. He began to sing. Now, this is a room of Southern Baptist. My mother in law was a choir director and has a leather bound hymnal that she sings from daily. However, not one person in the room could place the songs that we was singing. He would only share a bar or two. As he took longer breaks, we asked if we could sing to him. We sang hymns at the top of our lungs. Bob would join in too and he drifted back and forth. He was so filled with joy. He gathered us around and kept saying, "No more sorrow. Do not cry. You will be here so soon. God will take care of you. I understand that now." Slowly though. He began to come back. The times with his eyes closed were shorter. He asked for a preacher to come pray with him. He could not understand why he had to come back to us. And just as quickly as he went to heaven he returned to us.
We talked about the experience the next day. He remembers everything. He talked about how light it was, the steps to get to heaven, and the streets that looked like gold. He could not talk to anyone he saw. He said, "they were busy dancing and praising God." He never saw Jesus. God was in the distance. He described him as something he could see through a fog. He did not get to participate in anything. He was just watching. It made him so happy. He is grateful to see us all again, but he is ready to go back. He knows that we will be well taken care of. He sees and understands things that we can not fully perceive. He gave me a gift. As hard as it may be sometimes, I do not believe I could ever doubt the existence of God. Bob was there and then he was back. He was in pain and it was gone. He was afraid and then at peace. He went to heaven, and I caught a glimpse.
Friday, May 11, 2012
Dear Mr. Ferber,
You are my hero. My precious Caroline is such a wonderful baby. She has been the most well tempered, go with the flow baby. Always taking such good naps. Something has always got to give. No child is perfect. With Caroline, it has always been sleeping at night. To better understand, I need to rewind to Maddox.
Maddox had silent reflux that was diagnosed at 3 weeks old. It explained why he cried after eating and all night long. After we started his treatment, he wanted to be bounced in a bouncy set for eights hours a day and sleep all night. It was hard to bouncy him literally - all day, but he was happy and slept all night from about 6 weeks (in a Nap Nanny - another life saver). He took about an hour to get to sleep but would then sleep 12 hours. At 6 months we tried crying it out. Which was a fail after two nights. We tried again at 10 months. One hour of crying later he never had trouble falling asleep again. So, Caroline would be the same way, right?
Not so much. She did not sleep at night from the beginning. She slept 5 hours for the first time at 6 weeks. All along, she had reflux that we treated. Her pain made her want to be held. At night, she would not sleep longer than 15 minutes unless she was on my chest. I know, I tell parents everyday they should not put children on their chest to sleep all night (but I was a parent, not a pediatric nurse practitioner at that moment). Eventually we discovered the Fisher Price Rock n' Play Bassinet. It saved our lives! It was the first place she would sleep without me holding her. Finally, I could sleep the three hours she gave me in between feedings. All along, I kept telling myself that she would sleep through the night at 2 months. At two months and two weeks she began sleeping 6 hour stretches in her RnP in our bedroom. Sweet Glory!!!! Then, came the dreaded 3 month sleep regression that I had heard of but never experienced. She began waking 6-10 times a night. Ugh. I toughed it out until 5 months.
First, we tried a modified crying it out method. I would go give her her paci after 10 minutes of crying, without actually picking her up. She would go immediately back to sleep for four hours. So, it was not teaching her self-soothing at all. I did not want to do the real crying it out method because it had gone so poorly with Maddox at this ago. After, three weeks of the modification not working, I was broken. A chronically tired mom is not good for anyone. So, we went all in crying it out in 30 minute intervals. After two nights of thirty minute intervals, including night wakings, we have had three nights of sleeping 6p-6am!!! This may not stick, there is a 6 month sleep regression. However, I must say Mr. Ferber has given me at least short term recovery. I am grateful to God for some rest.
Our next training involves Mr. Maddox. He has been flirting with potty training for awhile now. Let me start by saying I do not believe in potty "training." I see to many children in my office with true physical and psychological harm from being forced to use the potty too early. They actually have clinic at University of Tennessee hospital devoted to helping children who have been scarred by potty training. So, I was waiting for the signs. Maddox would watch us use the potty, sit on the potty, tell us he was peeing and pooping. However, he could not figure out how to make himself actually pee while on the potty. Last week, he started asking to go and actually peeing on the potty at least once a day. So, today starts diaper free weekend (except during naps and bedtime of course). I will let you know how it goes. This morning we have used the potty three times!!!! If it works, I will share my method. If not, I will not lead anyone astray.
Maddox had silent reflux that was diagnosed at 3 weeks old. It explained why he cried after eating and all night long. After we started his treatment, he wanted to be bounced in a bouncy set for eights hours a day and sleep all night. It was hard to bouncy him literally - all day, but he was happy and slept all night from about 6 weeks (in a Nap Nanny - another life saver). He took about an hour to get to sleep but would then sleep 12 hours. At 6 months we tried crying it out. Which was a fail after two nights. We tried again at 10 months. One hour of crying later he never had trouble falling asleep again. So, Caroline would be the same way, right?
Not so much. She did not sleep at night from the beginning. She slept 5 hours for the first time at 6 weeks. All along, she had reflux that we treated. Her pain made her want to be held. At night, she would not sleep longer than 15 minutes unless she was on my chest. I know, I tell parents everyday they should not put children on their chest to sleep all night (but I was a parent, not a pediatric nurse practitioner at that moment). Eventually we discovered the Fisher Price Rock n' Play Bassinet. It saved our lives! It was the first place she would sleep without me holding her. Finally, I could sleep the three hours she gave me in between feedings. All along, I kept telling myself that she would sleep through the night at 2 months. At two months and two weeks she began sleeping 6 hour stretches in her RnP in our bedroom. Sweet Glory!!!! Then, came the dreaded 3 month sleep regression that I had heard of but never experienced. She began waking 6-10 times a night. Ugh. I toughed it out until 5 months.
First, we tried a modified crying it out method. I would go give her her paci after 10 minutes of crying, without actually picking her up. She would go immediately back to sleep for four hours. So, it was not teaching her self-soothing at all. I did not want to do the real crying it out method because it had gone so poorly with Maddox at this ago. After, three weeks of the modification not working, I was broken. A chronically tired mom is not good for anyone. So, we went all in crying it out in 30 minute intervals. After two nights of thirty minute intervals, including night wakings, we have had three nights of sleeping 6p-6am!!! This may not stick, there is a 6 month sleep regression. However, I must say Mr. Ferber has given me at least short term recovery. I am grateful to God for some rest.
Our next training involves Mr. Maddox. He has been flirting with potty training for awhile now. Let me start by saying I do not believe in potty "training." I see to many children in my office with true physical and psychological harm from being forced to use the potty too early. They actually have clinic at University of Tennessee hospital devoted to helping children who have been scarred by potty training. So, I was waiting for the signs. Maddox would watch us use the potty, sit on the potty, tell us he was peeing and pooping. However, he could not figure out how to make himself actually pee while on the potty. Last week, he started asking to go and actually peeing on the potty at least once a day. So, today starts diaper free weekend (except during naps and bedtime of course). I will let you know how it goes. This morning we have used the potty three times!!!! If it works, I will share my method. If not, I will not lead anyone astray.
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