Over the last few days, family has really been on my heart. I had a relative announce that she was pregnant with her fourth child and received negative feedback. As well, I read a blog this morning that talked about how mom's are missing their children's lives due to being consumed by technology. We can become so interactive that we forget to interact with those who are actually in our presence.
This has all triggered my next post. I am saddened that we live in a generation that views children as an obligation instead of a blessing. Brian and I never thought we would have children this early in life. We thought we would get married, finish graduate school, buy a house, get the right car, and then feel ready to have children. We would have 2 children (one boy and one girl of course) and be finished. We would go to Disney World with their four person vacation packages and live happily ever after. Instead, after 3 months of pregnant we were pregnant with Maddox. We were scared and NOT excited. However, as this little one grew inside of me, the fear changed to love. We trusted that God had a better plan for our lives, and knew what he was doing when he gave us Maddox. So, we would take God's plan back into our own hands (go back on birth control) and decide to have another child 5 years later. Life all changed when I was sitting in my Women's Health Nurse Practitioning lecture.
A professor was explaining how typical hormonal birth control works. Suddenly, a girl sitting in front of me raised her hand and asked the following question. "If it is possible to ovulate and have the egg be fertilized but still not become pregnant, is that really contraception? It does not always prevent conception. It does, however, usually prevent pregnancy." The professor looked stunned at what she was implying and became immediately defensive. She replied, "You miss understand me. The ...." I will not bore you with the details. However, it sparked conversation that night for Brian and I. It took us about two months to come to the conclusion that if we believe life begins at conception, we could not in good conscience continue to use hormonal birth control. We could not handle knowing that a late period could actually be an unimplanted baby. So, we continued forward with joy and trepidation. What would others think? What would we do if we had a lot of children? Was this wisdom or insanity? Were we making the right choice? Three months later, the Lord confirmed our choice.
We were pregnant with our second child. We were overjoyed but nervous. We shared the news with family, they were not especially enthusiastic. I was still in school and we were living with my in-laws. By the world's standards it was not an ideal situation. We trusted that the Lord would provide a house and jobs by the time our child was born. Sadly, just a few days later, we lost our precious child. It was hard. There was, however, still good that came from such a tragedy. We realized that each of our children is precious to us. There are no guarantees that our little one's will always be ours, so we should enjoy them as long as possible. So, we began a journey of faith with our family planning. We conceived again and had our beautiful daughter, Caroline, one week after moving into our house. Brian had a job, as did I. The Lord is faithful.
We do not know anything for certain. We do not know whether the Lord will lead Brian and I to desire 15 children of three. We do not know whether we will every go on luxury vacations or have everything the world tells us we need. We DO know that the Lord's provision is perfect and he will give us the desires of our hearts (when they align with scripture). So, we will trudge forward in faith, one child at a time. At any point one or both of us feels that we should not have anymore precious children, we will stop. It is not always easy or joyful. Being a mother is hard. Children are frustrating, but so full of joy and happiness. My life would be incomplete without them. They are a blessing not to be taken for granted. When I am at my whits end with my children, it is usually because I have a heart issue that I need to deal with. Being a wife and mother has brought my selfishness and anger to the surface. It is not always fun to deal with, but we are becoming a better family as I trust God and work through my problems.
Just today, I got to experience teaching my little boy to ride a bike for the first time. I do not think there is any greater joy than that of your children. I am praising God daily for my precious children. Thank you Lord for allowing me to be a mother.
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